nearly full moon

will remember that i looked at the moon which was full.

or almost full, one day off in fact..

took tony out for new year's eve treat.

treat to myself was massage with tony and pho.

he was gentle this time and it was sensual.

for some way, i was glad that it did not work out with sam mysteriously.

i was thinking about mike and vietname today...

i'm ready for the new year.

my wish was getting all as for 2010.

am gonna act confident and assertive role, everyday.

4 mos til 40

schock with pathophys is put behind,

for me to evolve beyond the grades,

and be cool to become an excellent nurse.

next year's resolution will be focused on quality of life,

not the quantity, nor the numbers, yey! :)

8 yr anniv

yeah,

8 yrs have passed, since my virgin experience of ...

i grew, mature and

well.. still lonely, i guess.

but at least the relationship with myself

got ever stronger.

i do love myself, my life, my new nursing path...

have my family and companion son tony that i take care of.

so can't complain about life.

no, it can't be any better than this.

this short piece of freedom feels so precious.

since it came after 4 mos of hard work.

i'm still in honeymoon yet... :D

bloody cartharsis

what a bloody timing that my period marked the very end of the semester!

end-of-life sim paper and cpr recerf all came in with the cosmic timing.

it was the first time in my life that i slept 3 hours two days in a row.

i'm glad that i went through all these, without too much bleeding...

outta gulag

those intense 12 days have finally passed.

the result was a happy ending.

did my best and gero ended with lucky b.

it was a tough semester, but i really like what i do now.

became close to more classmates,

and we are growing like a family.

things got resolved with victoria,

and i got to respect her now.

but i still regret that i didn't speak out at the eval.

end-of-life sim lab and seminar on the last day made it all too dramatic ending.

death is def. sensitive topic due to my dad.

i dedicate my nursing career to my dear daddy.

i promise him that i'll be a fine nurse soon.......

oh, sam forwarded me cute pink piggy pix.

i still couldn't respond to him. he always has agenda.

but it fulfilled me in a way thinking that i always had the control over him.

99 linkedin contacts

i finally have 99 contacts now!

i feel better by now.

12 days of intensity

had a massive subperitonial hemorrhage of my confidence, self-esteem and dream.

after 3 mos into the nursing program, guess the honeymoon is poofing.

i'm still happy and content with the idea that i love what i study and am in;

it's just that my fantasy and the oasis became the reality.

i hit hard with my personal weaklings on my first day at the nursing home.

after one full day of recovery with some nightmares,

i think i'm finally over.

i was inside of my own paranoid gulag for the last 48 hours.

now i'll turn this into something desolute and definite.

i'll sublime into someone stronger than me.

will overcome this hardship and become immune to.

as long as i learn something and move on, feel like that's enough.

:)

6 mos to 40

i'll turn 40 exactly in 6 mos.

cozy thanksgiving with sisters.

think i'll eventually mature when i hit the mid point.

the history will start tomorrow.

i'll defy the ageism.

i'll make myself..

bloody inspires

MJ's birthday i had one.

right after pharm was over, i had one.

in the midst of 200, i had one.

now, it's ringing the last 4 weeks of my sem.

the next one will be after i successfully finished all of these.

my mission is to get all triple As this time.

there's no impossible mission in my dictionary.

it's a good timing.

always all about timing...

i will see you in my dreams

what a beautiful song!

sam emailed me a few days ago, asking me the name of the cafe that he's opening.

he still doesn't get me.

i'm responding in silence this time.

this will be my eternal answer.

concert for george was inspiring!

my 4th favorite musician.

viv & ty

heji & crees

rocel & jason

jenjen & rob

rob & nadia

bong & yo

bjork & matthew barney

john lennon & yoko ono

me & vietnam

i have 114 fb friends now, including 8 csulb student nurses!

aging theory

i threw 4 points out,

but i still get only 84, which is 5 pts lower than the average.

i don't need to obssess about getting a any more, to see the brighter side.

if there's any to this miserable mood...

i guess i'm getting old and rusty.

i finished the fundamental the way i wanted.

so far so good..

although i won't be able to ace the gero,

i'm on the medium ground.

the goal is to AAB.

at the end of the semester, i'll overcome the challenges of my aging...

outlook

so far, after 12 weeks into the nursing program at long beach,

my nursing wishlist is as following:

1. OR

2. critical care

3. telemetry

4. ED

5. psychiatric

6. education

7. peds

8. gero

9. neo

i want to work in LA for my first nursing job.

viola!

:D

door closed 2 door opens

val's leaving has been finalized and i got a new connection to mayra & teresa.

the past couple of days was aching, but i'm moving on already.

tomorrow's lunch will give a nice rest & closure to our 2 mos' friendship.

i'm playing a new role from now on!

brief break

second phase is over. today's sam's 46th b-day.

i wonder how he's doing once in a while. whether he's with kristi or not.

still it doesn't matter to me at all. as in i'm over over him period.

phone chat with viv was quite soothing this morning.

i empowered my mac with iworks09. now i can read school docus with mine.

methinks i'll have this as my school companion til my nursing program is over.

i'll buy new toys when i graduate...

bong's b-day, white leaf

the test result was optimal.

it was the best raw score of the three and i feel like justice has been served.

was the happiest b that i've ever received.

methinks i beat the class average this time and feel like i deserved it.

have a feeling that i'll do well from now on.

will be on the right track to jump.

i will get three As next session.

am quite satisfied n relaxed now...

last nite's dream was charlie again..

house md addiction

just finished house md season 1.

it's a new addiction since southpark.

tried a few medical dramas, like grey's anatomy, scrub, and in treatment,

but nothing really hit the every spot like dr. house.

mystery, medical diagnosis, charisma, and love triangles...

it's relevant to meds and terminology, diagnosis and hospital settings et al.

i have 2 full days left til the final.

i'm not going to waste any min til then.

the day light savings time gave me extra hour.

brain damage

we had our last quiz today and i did the worst,

notwithstanding that i tried hard to get the perfect score for last chance.

i am wondering if it's the physiological aging process of my brain,

or unusual coincidental cluster of anomaly.

i feel quite an imbecile.

just like what natalya said this morning.

that was a pleasant coincidence that i ran into her this morning and had a nice conversation.

so things get balanced out today in all.

but how could i have forgotten those abbreviations?!

inconceivable.

bloody cycle

't was disappointing that i didn't perfect the quiz yesterday,

notwithstanding that i tried my best.

with my slightly blurring vision, i feel the out-of-focusing mental acuity.

this is the battle between my aging and my commitment.

my goal is the class mean.

i am going to do better than the average.

i will fight over my physical aging.

my bloody resolution found its new leaf again!

dinner with joanne last nite was magical with some kinks...

l yr anniv. to fb

i joined fb one year ago.

my friends base grew to 108 after a year.

109th will be mayra. :)

learning that nursing is the art and science fits in nicely with me.

it's one step upgrade from chemistry. -- just like chemistry was the one more layer of complexity added on math. if math was one dimension for me, chem was two dimension, then nursing is 3-D.

so i'm covering all of disciplines. math (med math), science (chem), critical thinking (from film) and caring! i have all the backgrounds to be a great nurse. exactement...

turning a new leaf again, and i'll have the goal of valedictorian. ha he ho

it's not that far away. i'll start with doing my best with the best strategy for my second test on N200, the fundamentals. by the time we hit gero & patho, i'll be a comfortable a student. :)

survived the first week!

so it wasn't so bad to spend 12 hours of hospital load for 2 days..!

guess i was more nervous than need to be.

like always, like last week at the sim lab too.

the test was like pretty stirring, but i got 88 % eventually,

so it's a fair ground to start. my goal is to get an A!

my first pt was devoted to my dad.

stroke patient was not an pretty situ.

today's felicitas was a sweet lady, but sadly sick.

learned a lot from my two philippina nurses too.

it was a bit uncomfy to give a ride to margaret to the hospital today,

but i like her a lot. she's cute and talkative! 63 yo grandma full of energy.

melike my flrmates vietnam and mayra. :)

sim lab done!

feeling so disappointed and disoriented.

the sim lab has passed almost seamlessly,

but things are not resolved in my head.

might be combinations from sam's missed im, dad's death and almost failed vital sign, and allen's gay status. ha

the fact that i was so nervous for the test made me feel kinda vulnerable and at the same time not distinguishable. i was always on top of things so far, but now i'm struggling to keep my place in the middle. that's a big change that i'll have to get used to. it's like berkeley days. 3 years..

i'm making a new network down here in oc. i'll start turn things around from tomorrow! :D

2 years since

i remembered that today was the significant day writing down the date this morning at Kaiser orientation. nobody really remembered it.. sadly....

i had a fiasco today that i made the error of wrong shipping address on blood pressure puff.

i was glad that it was not the med error.

feel the urgent need to be more alert.

the hospital orientation went okay.

i like all my floor mates. i'm pretty lucky in that way.

awake, alert and oriented...!

93333 to 93336

the money came in.

was feeling a bit guilty/cruel about putting the period on sam.

but he was unreasonably clingy. why?

does he think he still has any chance?

or is he just looking around now with a new girlfriend?

i'm guessing that it's his pattern.

all i can remember is the resentment and his mistreatment.

his disrespect and presumed superiority..

i think i did the right thing. or mature thing..

i'm going to bury everything here. release everything to the universe..

on the other hand, i love my classmates and school.

getting to know everyone one by one is so fun.

this is my golden age. my 40th age, that is to come!!!!

celebration with massage

methinks this is the last free weekend before the x-mas break, or b4 N260 starts. things are like 6 week increments. i'm like the median of the elmn group, disappointingly but safely. i celebrated it with vietnamese massage and pho. the massage was quite good for the price of $20. it was cheaper than even in philippines. it was the cheapest massage that i've had, but one of the very best. turkish massage, kabuki springs with eben, viv's daily massage for my 38th b-day, .. come to my mind. yesterday was celebrated with duck party. i'm glad that mom liked hesoo's mom. i've never seen her talk so much. she was like a bomb talker..

b on pharma

methinks, this is the first time in 10 years that i got a b..

it was a safe 83 b range though.

i did my best, so i don't have any regrets.

now i have a realization that i'm just an average jane in the group.

i'm getting used to that idea now.

it's just like korean university days that i have a group of people with the same strengths and career goal. i'm feeling comfortable and fitting in nicely now.

i like my school, program and my buddies.

N202 prof was such a sweet person. inspiring!

first night with soo jung

so after the first two weeks of nursing program,

i'm quite comfortably fitting in.

am glad that i'm partnered up with soo jung.

spent the night in garden grove and got my id badge at va.

it became the reality that i won't be able to get a on pharmacology,

but i accepted and adopted it naturally.

i'm glad that my cohort group is quite bright.

it's quite stimulation and challenging.

most of all, feel like i'm married to valerie. ;)

9.11 new brain

something dramatic happened on the 8th anniversary of 9.11

my macbook got into comma yesterday after a drop on the floor.

the brain-dead status was revived with the brain exchange operation.

with the brand new brain, the old memories are lost, like in amnesia.

the crucial point was that i was able to re-download my nursing books again.

how lucky!! my nightmare and worries were gone with the wind.

the photos and the songs were lost, but then i can recreate my favorite song library,

and start on the white slate again.

my screens are brighter and this is cheetah 39's new mark.

first test with A, please..!

pharmacology test went well, i predict.

the first test at long beach..

park-kyoung came back from korea

and today's the luckiest number combination of 2k9.

my ultimate number will be 12/12/12.

11/11/11 will be quite special, and we have 10/10/10 next year!

jordan @ coffee bean

so this is the third date from okcupid since the memorial day.

he was fairly decent; good looking, intelligent, mellow and seemingly interested & interesting..

except that he was vegetarian, i'll give him B+, or best of the three that i've met so far.

but i do have strong reaction to vegans, or vegetarians.

i did have a bad experience with veganism, not too long ago...

but it was fun to meet a guy, being on date and do some talk therapy since i went back to school.

it was good to reflect my current life since the summer..

nice to hear about physics graduate student's life,

and most of all having a guy staring at me with keen interests.

i think i'll be on okcupid for a while for a sidekick.

to fantasize, to practice, to vent off and to challenge myself to grow.......

laguna date with viv

met up with viv and her female family at laguna beach and spent the lazy afternoon.

it was a good idea to gift her eleen's blue pencil pouch.

it was heart warming to walk with her holding hands.

she asked me what my happiness grade is.

i felt my quotient is 9.7

that means a+. :*D

maybe the exact number is 9.6 or so..

pharmaco test

i'm having my first test of the first class at long beach, befalling on 999.

i already have a feeling that i'll do extremely well, cuz i'll be totally prepared for it.

am aiming at the highest score in the class! i'll be good at pharma since i have good foundation and this is rather a memory class. new challenge..!

other than, i have 3 l.a. leads and one irvine lead on okcupid.

the strongest lead is carlos, the young painter.

greg, braxton and jordan are just friend materials.

they sounds intelligent at least, so i'm most hopeful at this point.

viv is in town and am hoping to hang out with her tomorrow at laguna beach.

i have a 7 day plan til i go to school next wed. i have 12 + 5 = 17 mos til NCLEX!!! :D

pyramid

other than the woe of losing jessica's expensive sunglasses,

the second day was pretty smooth and great.

my facebook friends reached 101 including ted as the 100th!

i have many interesting cupid correspondences. (carlos, braxton and jordan..)

pharmacology is extremely interesting and i'll be good at it!!

:D

best buddy on first day

so the long awaited first day started with tardiness.

the unexpected traffic and the long walk from the parking structure were the contributors.

still i didn't miss any essential infos and became close to soo jung.

i like her.

she seems to be the strong potential to be my best nursing buddy at long beach.

the first day was fun!

i have a very good feeling about the whole thing... :)

D1

so this is it!

tomorrow is the day that i've been waiting for for the past 2.5 years!!

my first class starts within next 24 hours. 18 hrs even..

what a heart-throb.

i AM READY..!!!!!!!!!

bloody MJ's b-day

i was going to end my affair with MJ on his 51st birthday, and move on..

orlando was the magic dream itself.

i celebrated my dreams that came true with fireworks at magic kingdom on 8/27.

so 5 days in disney world replaced my bm 09 in a magical way.

last year was the american dreams and this year was the nursing dreams that came true.

i witnessed the most magical fireworks in disney kingdom and i was truly moved by the beauty of it with tears of joy. 06 fireworks in philippines, 08 bm fireworks on shrms and 09 magic fireworks in disney world are my 3 most beautiful fireworks to date.

additional magic found its way on my way back to calif.

ran into joanne and the possible doorway to old berkeley connection suddenly opened up.

life is full of surprises indeed..!

fantasy land to disney world

so i'm down to my last vacance of the year to disney world, in orando FL.

wahoo!

mere 7 days til D-day..

greg & branx were attractive l.a. leads from okcupid.

took care of most of the school affairs.

i'm very proud and very ready for the new shiny nursing path.

my dream fades in.

9 free days

2 x 2 + 5 = 9

two weekends and 5 days in disney world is all i have left now.

i once had 110 days..!

in retrospective, the freedom wisely used and assorted funs extracted!

las vegas, canada, sd parties, a few la hangouts, friends' visits, a few dates from okcupid, myspace firtings, luv affair with MJ, dvd shoppings and trips to long beach.........

now the last finale will be the 5 days in disney world, orlando!!!

net legend continues..

now that the door with jason closes,

there came other dude like shawn & greg,

and many more to come in the future in infinite quantity.

guess the strategy is not to get attached and move on.

not caring too much about flings and playing hard to get.

there are plenty of young dudes dreaming of flings and sex partners.

i just need to practice safe sex and detachments until i encounter the mad love of my life.

ha!

la gallery tour

3 korean gals at 3 art galleries in la...

it was fun-adventure with good eats and quality arts.

ace gallery, gatty center and lacma all packed in 2 days was too dense, to my taste.

so-gong-dong-soon-dooboo, ho-dol-i-boonsik and bonjook were serendipitous discovery.

it was tiring to cater to heji's taste though.

i was glad that i have viv as my best buddy.

my 3 wishes at the fountain was 1. nursing success 2. mad luv 3. lasting friendshipz...

flirting with spork

i think i have the handle on spork,

now that he came back 3 times...

he sent me the pedophilic link,

which scares me a bit about his taste.

i guess i can play him for a while.

i peeked into his fiery photos and blogs.

he seems a bit morbid and reckless, but intelligent for sure.

i'll drive him... hard...

he!

having dinner with the bukars at arirang was another fun time.

trip to melrose

jenjen's sudden visit was an unexpected jam, landing in the fruitful excursions to l.a.

the flee market at fairfax high, a stroll on the melrose avenue and the ethiopian dinner followed by a very late nite coffee were the string of funs one after another.

now that jen's gone, the pain of losing spork stings me sharp.

i'm going to work hard to forget about the sores and emptiness..

i was still having some red fantasies about jason last nite.

no more fling fantasies that'll end in blue frustrations..

it was some kind of a relief to hear about the troubling marriage of a stunning beauty.

at least my marriage to nursing is solid!

:)

climbing the rockies

stars lined up and my canadian vacation in banff turned out another pleasant trois rendezvous.

climbing the canadian rockies at 2.7 km, enjoying the fairmont banff springs and being on top at the sulfur mtn to sum up the adventures on the last day were the main highlights...

the french company and the 25th birthday party looking out the lake louise was awesome.

lake moraine was in fact more beautiful cuz of its turquoise color in my opinion.

not spotting any bear was the only remorse.

messages from adam, jenjen and spork were waiting for me upon my return.

i'm happy that tony was waiting for me, most of all. :)

off to lake louise

i remember jeong hyun tole me long ago that lake louise was the most beautiful..

now i'm going there tomorrow.

am excited about the trois getaway.

this is my real vacation in like one year since bm08,

though still mini in size.

things closed with spork, with him saying "tht settles that".

ha!

hallucinatory online connection was like an illusionary oasis,

well still with good memory, i'll have to admit..

bloody luv affair with MJ

instead of having a summer fling or romance,

i had an unexpected luv affair with MJ.

that was definitely the greatest o of mine of late,

which started in vegas memorial on 779!

my past saturday was thrown with an unexpected korean rendezvous with jina;

heard some juicy details of her previous life and flings. & secrets..

she was pretty and fancy, but not with much admirations nor respects from moi.

all the potentials were kindled and burned to ashes.

spork came as the closest match, but what am i going to do with 26 yo long distance?!

now i'm moving onto flirting with canadian idyllics...

D31: full of anticipations

peaceful with vacations in order and fantasies adjusted with realities.
the last day of july was tainted with my weird act @ johnny rockets.
it turned out alright with paying my debt with embarrassments in front of the kids though.

i'll start the new month with new heart.
new resoltion, new honesty and new enthusiasm!!!
now i have 30 days to count down...
boys are all gone out of netrizon..

a very long day's trip to SD

now i have 5 X 7 days left. 34 days to be exact..

2 vacation plans are carved in

and the weekend getaway to l.a. was planted. :)

san diego trip was a long journey

to extract my desires and smash my hidden fantasies.

everything returned to its supposed pigeon hole.

and i made a move to retire from the okcupid.

anachopoet is probably not my bohemian intellectual.

i'm not going to count sex acts, nor long for flings.

catching up with the bukars was the healthy outcome.

john and behnaz was the weird coupling.

DA's kurt response was enough to make me cold feet.

the korean stalker from myspace was never expected..

DAD's 66th

39 books

1. luv is hell

2. art of seduction

3. general theory of love

4. story of o

5. microcerf

6. frankenstein

7. finding your own north star

8. griffin & sabin

9. omnivore's dilemma

10. "wild dog"

11. tae-baek mountains

12. rete's yeon-gah

13. "popcorn girl"

14. hwang-jin-i by kim dong hwa

15. cho-hahn-ji by go woo young

16. loner team of horrors by lee hyun se

17. black hole by huh young mann

18. my year of meats

19. road less traveled

20. red book

21. pikhal

22. art of loving

23. joy diet

24. romeo & juliet

25. me talking pretty one day

26. brave new world

27. jurassic park

28. perfume

29. sex manual from good vibrations

30. penis book

31. the little (a bit naughty) book of karma sutra

32. position of the day: expert edition

33. claiming sleeping beauty

34. beloved

35. 1000 years of solitude

36. unbearable lightness of being

37. harry potter series 7

38. twilight series 4

39. lord of the rings series 3

39 years, 39 songs

1. i just can't stop loving you -- MJ
2. rainbow connection
3. blue danube -- strauss
4. 3 waltzes 4 piano op.64 #2 c#- -- chopin
5. piano concerto #2 #3 -- rachmaninov
6. utopia -- goldfrapp
7. graceful ghost -- george winston
8. 0 sole mio
9. finlandia -- sibelius
10. sous le ciel de paris -- edith piaf
11. la boheme: o soave fanciulla -- puccini
12. what a wonderful world -- louis armstrong
13. watermark -- enya
14. entertainer --scott joplin
15. caravan -- duke ellington
16. rhapsody blue
17. starting all over -- john lennon
18. stairway to heaven -- led zeppelin
19. pluto -- bjork
20. fitter happier -- radiohead
21. anjull -- hapa
22. devil in the kitchen -- ashley macisaac
23. jealous tango
24. cherie -- baaba maal
25. new world -- zap mama
26. release -- afro-celtic, sinead o'connor
27. pictures at exhibition
28. just because -- beatles
29. my favorite things -- sound of music
30. schubert piano trio e flat major d929 op.100 -- barry lyndon
31. as time goes by
32. life on mars? -- seu jorge
33. miyake -- kodo
34. cuban overture -- gershwin
35. continuing story of the counterpoint -- borden
36. prelude to after of a faun -- debussy
37. lugubrisou gondola -- liszt
38. springwaterfall - suso
39. creation of the cosmos - philip glass

39 years, 39 films

1. 2001: space odyssey

2. 2046

3. sex & zen

4. sex & lucia

5. sex & the city

6. run lola run

7. the city of lost children

8. kika

9. stardust memories

10. team america

11. UP

12. coraline

13. nightmare b4 chrismas

14. creature comforts

15. s & m's sick & twisted animation festival

16. nausicaa of the valley of the wind

17. chinese ghost story

18. yellow submarine

19. waking life

20. the little mermaid

21. drawing restraint

22. romeo & juliet (zeffirelli)

23. mulholland dr.

24. dancer in the dark

25. memento

26. memento mori ii

27. paris, je t'aime

28. b4 sunsest

29. science of sleep

30. gone with the wind

31. HOME

32. malena

33. funny face

34. jean de florette

35. akira kurosawa's dreams

36. 8 1/2 women

37. betty blue

38. la fille sur le pont

39. les fugitifs

2001: space odyssey

watched my favorite movie for the second time on bastille day til midnite and i realized why i liked it the first time and the famous death scene came as infectiously moving and sheer brilliance. inspired me to pursue my interests and reconstruct my life.

i jotted down my personal cyber film library:

1. 2001 space odyssey; 2. 2046; 3. sex and zen; 4. the city of lost chilren;

5. run lola run; 6. kika; 7. stardust memories; 8. sex and the city;

9. home; 10. nightmare b4 christmas; 11. team america; 12. up;

13. nausicaa of the valley of the wind; 14. ghost story; 15. coraline;

16. mulholland dr; 17. pillow book; 18. bow; 19. memento;

20. s & m's sick & twisted; 21. drawing restraint; 22. science of sleep;

23. wallace & gromit; 24. malena; 25. sex and lucia; 26. romeo & juliet (zeffirelli);

27. b4 sunset; 28. dancer in the park; 29. yellow submarine;

30. my dinner with andre; 31. lust, caution ; 32. story of o!

33. essential MJ......

bastille: D48

i called crystal today.

my online contacts are exponentially increasing!

85 fb friends and 83 linkedin contacts.

and mum is coming back tomorrow.

today is indeed the last of freedom day,

so to speak.

i'm looking forward to canada, la la land and probably mexico...

D50: 2046

vegas was a nice refresher.

ka, zumanity, beatles' love, and bellagio's o..

and i found the clues on ariA!

then came the seductive comment from him yesterday!!

anyway, vegas brought me back many lost memories.

bachelorette party, 33rd b-day, grand canyon tour, stevestrep, and eng 31 gang, berkeley graduation trip......

2046 was about recapturing the lost memories.

it was the summary of all wong kar wai's previous works.

in that sense, the old down town fremont street experience brought some nostalgia.

the mini summer appetizer vacance, that was.. looking forward to my real summer!

3 days in vegas

to the first vacation since napa? sd x 2??

those were mini-vacations...

well, this is a mini version as well,

but flamboyant one!

when was the last time i went there?

methinks, it might be the 03 sigfreud & roy with ar.

could that be that long ago? yeah, really..!!

maybe i've been there only 6 times?

7th time then. :)

D57: independent day

enjoyed the total freedom + solitude on independence day.

swimming in the gym + biking and thx1138 midway to in the mood for luv.

thx1138 was too depressing to watch on celebratory day.

in the mood for luv was superb style of wong kar wai..

talked to heji and mom. got the voice message from hyoung me.

heard the fireworks outside, but no sight of the sparks..

me likes blair, nick, warwick, humorsex, and emal. :)

i have to bury my sparky chemistry luvz here today..

1. russ, 2. cerf, 3. charlie; 4. wayne, 5. laurentG, 6. doug;

7. kessler, 8. zoval, 9.marr; 10. chris mills, 11. emory, 12. jong lee;

(could i squeeze sam here? or sam was the only romance that happened in reality, ironically..)

UP

my spirit soared up.

love, companionship, dream and animal-bonding...

ariA, hungry blair, nick and warwick stimulated my mind today.

oh, only 23 % match humorsex slacker was an interesting writer!

i was wondering what these virtual friends and interactions would do to my life.

would they enrich the quality of my life?

i think it is. it is the mental rxn that counts, after all.

online network

online chatting became some sort of social outlet: i'm experiencing web 2.0

have the professional web growing on linkedin with 78 contacts,

stored personal connection of 79 friends on facebook,

and a virtual friend network on myspace with my favorite music playlist,

then the dating chatwork on okcupid...

warwick came back, and i expressed my interest,

so i feel good about myself. chatting with him was definitely the best spark so far.

i liked nick from yesterday too.

guess i'm building memories and bondings. he

D60

went to the city of orange and got chocolate donuts for david @krispy kreme. stumbled into animal shelter and had to drop by. looking at hundreds of dogs with lonely eyes saddened my heart. they were hunger for people's touch and attention, waiting for anyone to adopt them.

it was a good experience for my nephews, i think.

forgot the count

realized that i don't count down any more.

lost the freshness and the joy and the happiness.

will start all over. renew myself..

being a bz bee.

make the best summer out of 39th year.

looking back at last year's photo,

i look so unweathered..

santa ana zoo with boyz

looking at my own photo makes me feel really old.

i feel total ordinary. middle-aged with no hubby, nor kidz.

now i'm marrying my career. that's damn good already tho.

i can start building my life on this now. fitter happier more productive, snowballing the likeness..

ninety nine

i'm going to revolutionize moi.

change will come.

i'll break the boundary and dare not unthinkable.

this is the second chance to live my life to the fullest.

first time, i was more passive but this time i'll be playing some different role.

i'll be confident, creative, passionate and believe in myself.

i'm giving myself 10 days to make things over.

love is the answer. following heart is the strategy.

coolness and style will be my method.

100

i expanded my free day to 100.

it makes sense before the clinical.

i jotted down my clicking experience.

i had handful of each luv and friendship category.

those endless daydreaming and doodling never ends.

i'm going to leap from the past and make the change from today.

i'll break off the pattern and raise my sexiness and professionalism.

my life is all set towards my dream and i just need to step forward on my path.

another chapter of new love and friendship saga will unfold with better happier self...

D73: chat with design

had a feeling of hitting it off with okcupid chatting last night.

i was never into chatting til lately, when i finally opened up for this new venue of communicating.

guess chatting and texting are the new means of getting to know someone for the new generation.

or at least 80s and onward.  are they called y generation?

anyway, i think i like chatting now.

i could chat with up to 3 people.  :)

he was very up front and frank about being sexual.

maybe he can meet my desire and seduction..  ha

D75: home

was exquisite cinematography with compelling anti-global warming theme.

combined with , it should be used as the best educational tool for fighting global warming.   only delivers biased point of view and gore still got the nobel peace award.  so wrong..

i've got 75 linkedin contacts and 73 facebook friends.

i'm waiting for the lucky 77th connections.

nico will be brought on and maybe sam be the 77th??

i'll think it through til 779.  or 799.  :>

sam called and left a message today.  why still???

what could he be possibly wanting from me...???

D78. bark park

bark park lead 2 no spark.
tony barking so loud was no fun at all.
maybe tony is a bit autistic..
the awkward kiss attempt was still memorable.
this was the closest after my last act since last apr. (22nd)

D86: the big O

the orientation turned out to be quite an energizer.

feel much comfortable and confident with the group that i belong to now.

wasn't as intimidating as in the fullerton interview.

i saw myself smoothly fitting into such a diverse group of mix.

was glad to find that i wasn't the oldest of them all.

made friends with soo jung, the korean young lady! (along with ahi, tahn and sasha)

methinks my next 3 years will settle in nicely with long beach nursing.

looking back how nicely everything started pointing to the natural path feels somewhat amazing.

i did follow the cosmic path; surfed the natural waves.

D88

spent nearly 4 hours on social problems DB entries!

am i really improving my writing skills?

contemplating on quitting...  argh!  :)

D89: chat queen

i opened my mind on online chatting, then came in the wave of calls.

i was chatting with 3 boys at once and i was handling it quite well.

that was a fun experience, but i still don't see i get addicted to it.

guess i'm a slow email person and belong to x-generation.

tried making chicken soup for the first time for david,

and it turned out pretty okay.  making soup is not too difficult after all..!

:>

D90

the weekend was quiet with swimming, biking and walking tony.

but i safely landed on virtual socio class and enjoyed reading.

okcupid is becoming steady-- steady flow of mails and chats..

caught up with viv sunday morning..!

now i have 3 mos.

D93

hung out with ariel for the last time, it turned out.

it started real innocent, then the sexual tension started growing at least not from my side and it got real uncomfortable from my part at least.  it is painstakingly obvious that the vanished interest turned the relationship around.  it's the fat!  well, not only that but also lack of maturity.

D94

my 69th fb friend befell on john.  i like 69 as my permanent number.  i'll keep this #, if anyone drops out of my friend list.  he's a bit crazy, but he possess all the characters that i admire.  probably complement to cerf.  jmarr plus dcerf will make it complete.  russ plus charlie will make the true soulmate!  i'll go on: wayne + doug (d original soulmates), russ + charlie (forever), 

D A + sam (real form), kessler + zoval (teachers), cerf + marr (artists) = 10!  bon!!

D95

i love my socio online course.  i found many interesting people in my class.  at least 10 of them sound intelligent!  reading is a bit sluggish, but rad ideas and challenging pace.

stat & biopsyche were definite warm-up for this one!  bong!!  my happy feeling could be maintained throughout the summer...

D96

the calls from heejean oppa in the early mornings were all of a sudden.  then it brought out all my korean memories along with my long history of relationship with him.  the way it developed nicely over time made me believe that he must be one of my soulmate.  he must be the smartest korean that i know of.  and pure.  thus sexy.  my online socio is interesting already.  this is my third experience: the first with stat, the brief experience with biopsyche and now with socio in entirety.  it's incredibly rad idea that we don't even have to meet once.  with stat, we had intro meeting and the physical test taking involved.  this will be a very helpful learning to new direct'n.

D97: memorabilla

meeting with mellafella wasn't that much sparky.  luckily, our not-hitting-off feeling was mutual. today is my one year anniversary to moving to oc.  memorable that way on memorial day..

so glad that i got adapted and landed on my feet @long beach.  last 2 years tunnel vision finally found the rays of sunshine.  i came out into the light!

can't believe that my "happy feeling" is wearing out so fast.

it's been only 2 weeks!!  i'm gonna learn how to regenerate those happy moments.

i'll live that ever happier moment every day until i start my school at the end of summer.

bon!

D99

had my sparky2 washed.  organized my boxes.  went to gym in a month.  first date scheduled tomorrow.

D100

wrote 5 different thank you letters to my recommenders: vicki, catherine, kessler, zoval & erlanson.  like teachers, biologists and chemists

i got instantly connected with behnaz, jim and bonnie.

have 66 friends, the highest friend number yet with 70 linked in contacts.

weights lifted

the music final is over now!

not sure if i hit the highest score this time,

but definitely landed in a safe zone for both classes.

i feel like everything is wrapped up nicely.

john gave me a warm hug in the end.

methinks our feelings are mutual..

i'll be connected to him through sacred harp.

i have joe now, but he might be an average joe?

:)

still, i have a good feeling about him.

he sounds decent and ez going at least.

i'll just have to wait and see...

high in the cloud

two days in a row with 3 acceptance letters, marked my highest moments in life yet!!!

i didn't expect that long beach would accept me without any interview, so when the mail came in, i had no idea that it was an acceptance letter already.

so my mind was ecstatic, on the lightest note, soaring high in the sky!  :D

4.5 acceptance out of 9 try,

i'd say it's pretty darn good!

it's the perfect outcome without CSUF.

it hurt not to get accepted at fullerton,

but i had some reservations and i'm over it already.

now the only school that i haven't heard back is golden west. 

long beach was golden, with 60 years of tradition.

my two years of back in school after following my heart is finally paying me off.

i'm happier than a Queen today.........

fantasy!

what a double joy to get acceptance letters from saddleback and sf state on the same day!!

it was unexpected surprises and i cried for joy for the first time.  with tony!!

methinks today is the happiest day of 2k9.  happiest in a while, maybe since sam..

maybe after burningman 08 at the temple, the physiology A, micro A and bm tix...

i had many joyful moments to come to think of it.

who i want to share my joys with?!  my family, best friends, and facebook...  :D

spring tea

spring tea with kristen & lisa was sumptuous for the eyes.

my favorite was the most unique prized peacock table.

the pink french style was my second favorite..

my sparky2 turned 9 today!!!!!!!!!

cinco de mayo

89888, 89898, 89909,...

nine started dominating.

my digital camera has arrived.

new pink memories will be inscripted.

pink is inevitably my color.

chocolate is hard to find.

100 days to 100 lbs!

after three days of master cleanse,

i'm on my serious duty/commitment to three digit weight.

will have 4 meals a day and monitor my weight day & night.

if i cannot control my weight with what i already know enough to control,

what else can i control in my life..?!

day 1 starts with 94 lbs on day 1.

shouldn't be too hard to put on 7 more lbs for the next 99 days.

the target date is aug 3rd with 2 day grace period.

:)

ray of sunshine from cypress

cypress college gave me the relief.  from the phobia of waiting another year, from the worries of alternatives of RN, and from the hampered confidence.  now i'll be happy to get accepted at sf state, long beach and saddleback, in the due time..  things will work out as they are supposed 2b...

39th birthday

my 38th was at angel island and el masra?

37th was in mendocino honeymoon..

36th at stonehenge.

35th in paris on turkish massage..

34th with lion king musical alone.

33rd was the white tiger show in vegas,

32nd was the threesome party at firecracker

31st was with the balloon boy,

and 30th was in sydney

then 29th was in film class with columbine tragedy,

28th? 27th with synpep, 26th was with viv's chocolate cake

and 25th was with poong-mul-pae...

24th was NRB with korean dormies,

23rd with ar & dan, 22nd with eng 31 mates, 21st with SJ,

20th with hk with 20 roses and 19th with korean univ maths,

9th and 11th celebrations with classmates...

and 39th pre-celebrations in san diego was bon!!

but my actual birthday was forgotten by the closest home-buddy.

and one rejection from fullerton..

feels like everything will be fine after all,

nonetheless, i feel gloomy at this point in particular.

okcupid was just a ghost...

i am going to make myself busy and strong!

bon anniversaire a moi!!!

either tomorrow or thursday

10 days have passed with no results yet.

the weekend was the worst with close to nervous break down.

i calmed my mind and i'm peaceful now.

by friday, things will wind down...

counting down 7 days

dear goddess,

i desire 2 nursing acceptances for my birthday.

i have the very confidence that i'm the fitter for the program.

i hope you see that they desperately need me.

so please help me and help them.

am supposed to get the acceptance letters in the next three to 7 days.

the most important is fullerton, but sf is symbolically important as well.

i look into the future and i see myself triumphantly happy with 5 wins.

yes, that's the dreamy images that will come true.....

nursing results coming in!

i received the letter from Santa Ana College Nursing department today.

the verdict is #884 on the waiting list.  i liked the number combo at least.

i liked that i got my first letter on 4/4/9.  SAC was outta my league on 9.

now i'm awaiting from SF state and Fullerton by 4/15.  then saddleback by 5/14.

LB will be like 6/15.  in the optimal luck, i'll get 5 acceptance including cypress.

i did my best and now i'm waiting for the cosmic response.  i'll follow the wave...

tony's 3rd birthday!!!

we celebrated tony's birthday with the cone hat and visiting the bird park.

i was truly happy that i had him in my life.  he's my one and only son..!  :)

spiritual growth

sick for the past few days.

spent the whole day on bed & couch yesterday.

the little book of karma sutra,

the red book and the road less traveled,

all point to the spiritual growth.

it's time to finally graduate from the undergraduates.

i've done 111/110 on psyche 3 and realized that i finally done.

red sparks fly

this is the day that i became friends with sera!

she's such a beautiful red lady.

right after i sent off the viv's 35th birthday package,

the red news came in.

this is the perfect excuse/motif to start off red today...

mum's 67th day

bird encyclopedia, the orchids and the card from trader joe's were my gifts to mum's b-day.

sik-do-rak, hand-made cards from david & john and the cheesecake from heyri cafe completed the celebration.  she seemed to be truly happy with my sweet card!  :]  mission successful!!

pato banton

got spiritually inspired by pato.

by his kindness and love..

same awakening as with visions of light...

spring bloom

3.3.9

unusual combination of numbers.

fullerton interview in a copula days..

my mind is quite... somewere... coughing

the queen and i

attending star's wedding as middle-aged

red valentine

luckily i was serendipitously reading sera beak's the red book on v-day nite.

especially the section about sexuality, and the divinity.  viola!

i liked the red book.  10 red tulips, burningman tix and exotica...

thus my 39th valentine's was complete.

oh.  i got e-roses from my virtual myspace friends as well..

98 lbs strong

this is the image of myself on new year's day.
first tie in last 3 years that i gained weight..
remarkable start indeed...

new firefox life

my life started anew on firefox space.
SF State is all down good.
2 down and 6 more to go.
gained 4 lbs since mum came back.
literally in mom's womb now
and realized that i'm happy today.

music class makes me alive again.
if music and math are closely related,
i have a good chance to have good chemistry with music as well.
math, chem, film, music, nursing, bm, sex, sparky and tony....
what else could come in my future???

gung ho fat choy

NYE

6 hrs and 20 mins

til 2009

the change will come 

with obama nation

brave new world

with maturity and confidence

dream is my destiny

dream is my lighthouse

dream is my oasis...

3 x 3 = 9